NINA STUFF: A Great Writer

Esteemed Reader, I'm deeply saddened. A mentor has passed away. The world is far poorer for it.

If you knew Jim Powell or if you read him, you already know this. More likely, since this blog is read by an audience far outside of Indiana and focuses on a type of fiction Jim Powell didn't write, you didn't know him.

But let me tell you about him because I have a point I think is universal and will be worth your attention. I may be just a little more somber on this occasion than my usual joke-y posts with superhero talk (Jim Powell was quite adamant that Batman was not great literature despite my many attempts to convince him otherwise).

I wasn't close enough to Jim Powell to deliver a full eulogy. I don't imagine I'd be his first, second, or even fortieth choice for that honor. And that's not what this is. I had a very specific relationship with him as evidenced by the fact that he asked me to call him Jim, and I'm still not entirely comfortable not adding the Powell.

Our relationship was often adversarial—mostly my doing. Not only did Jim Powell not feel Batman qualified as literature, he was scandalized (and annoyed) that I considered Stephen King to be our greatest living writer. Obviously, a man who failed to appreciate the genius of my unassailable literary opinion could NOT be a great writer.

I alone could be trusted to render this verdict because I was—brace yourself, Esteemed Reader—a great writer... or I was going to be.

And yet, this man, who was not a great writer, was tremendously passionate for literature. Clearly, he thought he knew something about great writing even though he was wrong. And that struck me as curious.

I should explain. I was 19. And an a**h***

I grew up in a small Indiana town where most everyone had also been wrong and I'd just that year made my first-ever real friend who didn't live in that town. Caesar was also on his way to being a great writer and he also knew everything in a way only very young men can be assured they do. We sat together in Jim Powell's writing workshop—my first—and rendered our superior verdicts on the stories of lesser writers. And we interrupted Jim Powell on a regular basis with our writing wisdom and were, generally speaking, obnoxious.

Despite that, Jim Powell mostly chose to be amused by us. I know this because he hung around with us after class to tell us to talk about writing. Oh, he yelled at me a few times and though I took it personal then, I've taught some workshops since. In retrospect, I admire his restraint. I wouldn't have wanted young me in my workshop.

"You've got some talent, Kent," he said to me once, and that perked me up—maybe Jim Powell's opinions weren't all wrong. "But your taste is terrible and your attitude is worse. If you don't get serious, your writing isn't going anywhere and neither are you."

That's not an exact quote—21 years have passed since then—but it's pretty close and that was the gist of it. He wasn't wrong. He also kicked me out of his office on multiple occasions—I definitely don't remember exactly why, but I have no doubt the cause could be traced back to my being insufferable. However, he always let me come back and I can't remember a time he didn't make time for me.

But let's not get all misty-eyed yet.

First, I need to tell you about a thing I wrote. I don't have any copies of the story now, thank God, and I can't remember exactly how terrible it was—most of what I wrote then was terrible. But it was stuffed with shock content because I lacked the tools and the confidence to attempt to move my readers by any other means. This was shortly after I'd completed screenplays for Horror House, Horror House 2: The College Years, and Horror House 3: In Space. So, ya know, that's where my head was at (older, wiser me still thinks that terrible pun is amusing).

Caesar assured me my shocking story was brilliant. He was the first to speak up during the workshop and compliment me on my bravery for having written an edgy piece that said the important things that needed saying by someone important. He was a good friend and I'm sorry I haven't seen him more in the intervening years. We were wrong a lot, but we were wrong together, and we had a good time doing it.

Tragically, I can't confer with Jim Powell about exactly what he said, but I remember the gist of it. One doesn't forget one's first epic take down. He did not agree with Caesar.

"The problem with your story," he said, or something to this effect, "is that it doesn't mean anything. The language is sloppy throughout and unconsidered. This story was intended to shock and it doesn't. You meant to disrupt my workshop, but you haven't, so this story hasn't accomplished anything. You can do better, Kent, so do better."

"You know, Jim actually makes a lot of good points," Caesar admitted. Thanks, buddy. Heavy sigh.

I'd love to tell you I wrote an even better story and triumphantly returned to the workshop. I didn't. Not then. What I did was decide that 1. Jim Powell hated me, probably because he was jealous of my genius. 2. I had no business listening to Jim Powell anyway because he was not a great writer like I was destined to be.

After that semester, I decided college wasn't for me because I didn't have the objectivity needed to realize I wasn't yet right for college. I took a series of terrible jobs, mostly waiting tables, and got my first apartment and promptly missed enough rent payments to nearly get evicted. But I read a lot of books and I kept writing.

A couple years later, after becoming a travel agent—anybody remember those—I went back to college part time and then full time. An English department is only so big and I majored in creative writing and literature because I had my eyes on the big money:) I had Jim Powell for several classes, most of them with Caesar. And the two of us were still obnoxious, but less so, probably because I was (mostly) paying for school myself then, which was an attitude adjuster.

The two of us were also on the staff of the school's literary magazine, which was led by Jim Powell. There was a girl on that staff who I won't name, but I thought she was, ahem, super hot. And she thought Jim Powell was the most brilliant man she'd ever met. It's amazing how an attractive person's perspective changes things for a young man:)

I wanted her to find me brilliant, so I started paying a lot more attention to Jim Powell. And you know what? He was kind of brilliant—not about Batman or Stephen King, maybe, but about a great many other things. The super-hot girl found a boyfriend who wasn't me and then another, but the damage was done. I recognized Jim Powell was far more brilliant than I'd given him credit for. When I stopped talking over him, I learned quite a bit about writing and publishing.

When you treat a person with respect, they treat you the same way. I don't remember everything that transpired—it all seems simultaneously so long ago and like it just happened. But one day, I remember looking around to realize that Caesar and I were the seniors and Jim Powell was relying on us to help keep the magazine going. Who'd have seen that coming?

Jim Powell invited everyone to a party at his house and it's a favorite memory of mine. The super-hot girl was there. So was an even more super-hot girl who later became Mrs. Kent. We stayed late, far later than I ever expected. It turns out Jim Powell was an excellent party host for a guy who preferred poetry to horror stories.

Many, many libations were had and we talked long into the night and he told Caesar and I that he was proud of us. He told Mrs. Kent, who was then my let's-just-see-where-this-goes girlfriend, that I was a good guy. As he told her mostly nice things about me—he didn't leave out the times I'd caused him stress—it finally occurred to me that Jim Powell liked me and had for some time.

A semester after that, the future Mrs. Kent and I graduated. I got a job as a stockbroker, because it paid the bills and I wanted to stay in Indiana to see how things worked out with this girlfriend of mine. I'd see Jim Powell at different events and a few times at the Blockbuster video because all of this takes place a long, long time ago, I guess. But he was always happy to see me and we always had a nice chat.

Life went on. I saw college friends less and less, and then Mrs. Kent and I had a baby and I lost touch with a lot of people for a while. Children are time vampires, but cute ones. Writing also requires a lot of time alone, not to mention this blog turned podcast, which is also a time vampire, but a fun one.

Jim Powell disappeared with so many others into that category of people I used to know and Blockbuster disappeared as well. I worked with a lot of other writers and other mentors. One day, Barbara Shoup invited me to teach at the Indiana Writers Center and she kept inviting me, so I kept doing it.

I'm writing this portion of the post sitting in the Indiana Writers Center before the arrival of my newest fiction workshop. The format of the class is a modified version of Jim Powell's workshop, and that's appropriate enough. He founded the Writers Center the year I was born.

I didn't know this until October 25, 2018. I know the date because I learned it on the podcast. You can hear and/or watch me learn it. You can also hear about the Indiana Writers Center and all the good it does in the world:

You heard Barb Shoup explaining about all the outreach programs the Indiana Writers Center does for the community. How many lives has that organization improved (including mine)? You heard her talking about the then upcoming 40th anniversary party for the IWC, featuring Jim Powell and his book, Only Witness.

Mrs. Kent and I went to that party. We got a sitter and took showers. And Jim Powell was thrilled to see us, still together. And we were thrilled to see him. He told me how excited he was that I was teaching at the IWC and he got to meet a few of my students, who were happy to see me. I didn't get to talk to him for long, however. He was the star of the show and surrounded by most of the Indiana writing community.

I saw former professors, some famous authors, and lots of people I didn't know, but who were very excited to see Jim Powell. And I was excited for him. It's inspiring to see a man so celebrated by the community he nurtured. 

Mrs. Kent and I got some food and had a married-people-desperately-happy-to-be-out-of-the-house-and child-free-for-a-few-fleeting-hours date. I received my new copy of Only Witness and later read, really read what Jim Powell had written. And this, by the way, is the only quote of his in this post that I know is verbatim:

 To Rob - engaged and challenging student who has made good! I am touched by your work for the Writers Center and your interest in my work. I hope you enjoy these stories. Jim 3/8/19

By virtue of this blog, I have a lot of signed books by a lot of great writers I admire. But that signed copy of Only Witness is my favorite and it sits in a place of honor. No, you can't borrow that one. Get your own.

Jim Powell and I connected on social media after that night, so I know he was amused by the podcast and this website. I also knew he had some health issues, but I figured when they were behind him, we'd probably see each other at the IWC or other events and get to talk again, even if I had to get him on the podcast to do it.

But it wasn't to be.

What makes a great writer? Great writing helps, of course. Observe this opening from Jim Powell's story, "Little Jungle": The bottle broke against the boulder and gasoline spread flames onto the dry grass, then slow-burned toward the brush and trees at the clearing's edge, more fire than Matt had expected.

What else makes a great writer? Do they have to be the world's bestselling novelist, like Stephen King? Do they have to be a household name in the country they live in? The state? Do they have to be painted larger-than-life on the side of a building like Kurt Vonnegut?

There are other, less-obvious memorials to great writers all around us, if you know where to look. That night at the IWC 40th anniversary party, I saw a very different sort of memorial built in the minds of all the writers and lovers of literature Jim Powell touched over a lifetime. 

God knows how many minds hold another portion of that memorial I couldn't see. God knows how large a footprint one man left in his wake, a footprint so great I can't even see the shape or the size of it because I'm a part of it.

Goodbye, Jim. It was an honor to have known so great a writer.

Introducing YouTube Middle Grade Ninja Clips

Want to win a free copy of The Miraculous and read an interview with author Jess Redman? Of course you do! Head on over to Literary Rambles and treat yo self.

Esteemed Reader, I just did something for you. Now I need you to do something for me:) Don't worry, it's really easy and free.

All I'm asking is that you go to my YouTube Channel and subscribe for free.

That's it.

Now I know what you're thinking: Ninja, I already read your blog. Maybe I've read it for years. I even read a couple of your books. Maybe I'm subscribed to your free monthly newsletter. I haven't followed you on Twitter yet, but I'm gonna.

I appreciate your continued support, Esteemed Reader. I'm asking you to subscribe to my YouTube channel (and the podcast, wherever you get your podcasts) not for me, or rather, not just for me. I'm asking you to help grow this platform so that I can promote authors and reading to an ever wider audience.

Sure, I promote my books as well. Of course I do. In fact, I tend to error on the side of having folks think, "that man was a bit obnoxiously overzealous about his books," rather than think, "what a nice ninja fellow! I wonder if he's written anything?"

And I'm too slow a writer to fulfill Esteemed Reader's reading needs by myself. I need Esteemed Reader reading lots of books to ensure they're ready to keep reading when my next book finally comes out. Also, I genuinely believe with my full heart that the world is made better by more people reading and thinking.

So help me out and spread the word. If you know somebody in your life who likes books, tell them to check out this site and the podcast as well.

And I'm doing my part. I'm slowly breaking up the 1-2 hour podcast videos into shorter, easier-to-digest clips. I like the interviews I'm conducting to be long and recorded live because we learn so much more than we would in a shorter format. However, I don't want to intimidate folks who might otherwise be interested. So I'll be offering shorter clips in the hopes of tempting people to watch or listen to the full interviews.

Here's a taste of some of the clips available so far:

Another Pound of Flesh: a Second Post About Editing

In 2011, I wrote an extremely popular post about editing when I thought I was done editing the first Banneker Bones book. Ha, ha, ha, me from the past, you still had ahead of you three years of polishing and notes from multiple agents and editors, some of which were helpful, all of which resulted in rewrites. In that post, I discussed the basics of editing and the importance of using an outline to determine which scenes are essential and which can be cut. 

That's one of my better posts and I stand by it. I'm not going to reiterate, but expand in this second post about another issue: writers getting themselves out of their own way. Today I want to talk about cutting out a different piece of our writer's heart: our burning message, the thing we came here to say. I've also got some other tips I've learned in the intervening eight years, as well as some common issues I've come across leading fiction workshops and reading student work.

Gamora asked Thanos after he did some heavy duty editing of his own, "What did it cost?" His answer, of course, was an anguished, "Everything." I don't believe there's a better metaphor I can steal from popular culture to describe how I feel after undergoing many, many, MANY drafts to create my ideal universe.

I would've once said Banneker Bones and the Giant Robot Bees was the hardest book I ever wrote (and my favorite), but I think its sequel was harder to write. Or at least as hard. 

On the one hand, Banneker's first adventure was published in 2014, and I've grown as a writer since then. On the other hand, Banneker's second adventure is longer and more ambitious than the first, and bears the additional responsibility of setting the table for Banneker's third adventure (let us hope that one doesn't finally kill me). Life circumstances change and there are many other factors so that I cannot definitively say which book of mine was hardest to write and edit, but without a doubt, it was one of the Bannekers.

Why so hard, you ask? A number of reasons, among them the fact that I try to push myself toward a more ambitious project with each novel; otherwise, what's the point? Like a video game character, I level up my skills, but I choose projects that are a greater challenge. Paradoxically, though I'm improving at writing and editing, it doesn't seem to be getting much easier. I've just grown used to the process—though I am trying to speed it up.

The other issue, of course, is that I'm always me (have been all my life). I have consistent weaknesses in my writing as well as consistent strengths. I save my critiques for all my manuscripts and I record my critique group's discussions of my work and there are some similar criticisms that come up around every first or second draft. I usually nail plot beats and have to rethink character motivations. Other writers have different issues.

Knowing my weaknesses that seem to show up in nearly every first draft, no matter how hard I try to avoid them, hasn't lead me to a "how-terrible-is-wisdom" Oedipus Rex state in which I blind myself in despair... so far. Rather, it enables me to strategize ways in which I can save me from myself, with the help of my critique partners and beta readers.

So let's do some quick tips and then I'll share my biggest problem during my latest revision. My first tip is always to seek out a critique group and a professional editor who is not you. I'm just going to skip ahead to some tips for you to do once you've either secured editors or signed up for one of my fiction workshops.


Tip #1: Make a plan of attack. Gather all the feedback you've received on your draft, even if you're starting with just your own feedback, and break it down into individual steps. I like to use a list so I can cross off things such as:

Cut or shorten scooter scene.

Get rid of Reggie’s sketch pad. Replace it with a 3D holographic drawing tool, because of course. Or explain that he prefers paper.

Banneker needs to have a reaction to pug since he’s allergic to dogs.

Check how many times the word “crap” appears. Don’t overdo it. Same with “roar”

You can use a vision board or a multimedia presentation if you like just so long as you know how to achieve your goals for any one revision. A rewrite can be daunting, but if broken down to even 100 individual revisions that need to be made, there's a clear path for how to proceed, allowing you to put your anxiety aside and start knocking out tasks toward completion.


Tip #2: Invest in The Emotion Thesaurus by Angela Ackerman and Becca Publisi. I keep The Chicago Manual of Style at my writing desk and I find myself reaching for this book as frequently. I don't know the authors, I'm not getting a cut, I'm just a fan of the book. I don't use it when I'm drafting, but it's invaluable when I'm editing. Any time I find myself flatly stating the character's emotional state, I can search for a list of ways to SHOW that state. I don't always use what I find, but often looking at a list of possible physical expressions will trigger my mind to think up a way for me to SHOW rather than TELL.


Tip #3: Contractions are your friend. Unless you're writing dialogue for a character who wouldn't use a contraction or you have a sentence that genuinely sounds better with "would not" over "wouldn't," as in I would not have guessed 'wouldn't' wasn't a better word choice:) I like stories that can be read faster, which is why I'm always shortening anyplace I can. Contractions are an easy way to cut word count and to pick up the pace of your prose.


Tip #4: Keep a list of your known problem words and phrases. I keep a list of words I over use so I can search for and eliminate them before I turn in my final draft. 'That' is a word that can usually be cut. Some other offenders are 'just,' 'so,' 'quickly,' and 'frowning.' I also have to watch for characters doing too much smiling, nodding, eye rolling, or sighing. Some of these instances are allowed, but I space them out and cut unnecessary sighs, etc.


Tip #5: Save the sections you cut. This was a tip from my friend Laura Martin, who stuck with me through multiple revisions of Banneker Bones 2. At one point, that manuscript was over 130,000 words. The final version is just over 75,000. Banneker had some adventures that didn't make the final cut. Knowing they're safe in a file I can access any time to use in future books or blog posts (probably won't, but maybe) made cutting them out easier to take. I once used the discarded sections of one novel to make two entirely new novels.


That's it for the general stuff, which brings us to the somewhat more personal issues I encountered on my recent novel's journey. First off, I had to retrain myself to write middle grade after writing six books for adults since the first Banneker. Writing for children is much harder in many ways, among them that word counts are far more rigid. Prose for adults can allow for longer scenes and less economical word usage.

The first revisions I made to Banneker 2 were solely about sharpening my prose to a fine edge and cutting out most pretension—though some pretension is, for better or worse, a part of my author's voice. I kept most of the jokes that worked, scratched the ones that didn't, but the highfalutin sentences that were fancy for the sake of being fancy had to be broken up and reassembled into sentences that were easier to read (unlike this absurdly long sentence that could not be allowed to stand in a MG novel; in fact, this entire paragraph is too long).

Next came refining character motivations and strengthening their relationships to one another. This is something I struggle with in second and third drafts as my first draft is all about establishing the full plot and all the twists and turns and surprises that result in a satisfying ending without cheating to result in the novel I want. A critique partner refers to my early drafts as plot puzzles.

Before I build the full body of the car with the leather seats and all the fancy accouterments meant to comfort the passengers, I first make sure the engine is finely tuned. If the story doesn't work, all the beautifully written prose and well-defined characters in the world won't save a novel anymore than incredible special effects save a bad movie, though each can make a mediocre story more pleasant to endure. Even the angriest Phantom Menace detractors have to admit the Duel of the Fates lightsaber fight is cool, and I'll admit that the writing in Ulysses is interesting in its own (mostly obnoxious) way.

I enjoyed doing revisions and I didn't mind spending as much time as was necessary to get it right. Banneker Bones is my favorite of all my characters and this is the sequel to my favorite of my books. Banneker's story is the reason I call myself the Middle Grade Ninja instead of some other kind of ninja. My unwillingness to compromise Banneker's integrity is the reason I chose indie publishing over traditional. The  primary reason I do all the marketing I do is in the hope of getting Banneker's story into the hands of as many readers as I can.

I believe in Banneker Bones. His is the story I've most wanted to tell you. There are passages I can't read aloud without crying. When Esteemed Reader holds a Banneker book, they're holding my beating heart. And I sliced away whole chunks of it to ensure Esteemed Reader is holding the best possible version of my heart.

What did this book cost me to create? Everything.

Except, not quite. Not yet.  Thankfully, my critique partners kept me honest.

When a book is big and important to its author, its author likely wants to say something really important, or several things. All stories convey a message of some kind because the triumph or failure of the protagonist is accomplished with a value(s).

For example, Batman=really smart, really strong, and really brave (also a little nuts)=he wins (and so does justice!)=it is a winning strategy to be really smart, really strong, and really brave (also a little nuts), so come on, let's get nuts.

A problem arises when an author blatantly states his message, which I often do in my first and second drafts. This is useful to me as it keeps me mindful of why I'm writing what I'm writing, but these sections have to go before Esteemed Reader picks up the book. Even if the author stated just the right political sentiment in just the perfect way and it was totally awesome and now no one's going to read it because he had to cut it from the final draft. Save it for your blog, buddy:)

My friend Shannon Alexander, summarizing another author's advice—I think it might've been John Green, but I don't remember and most author advice is the passing on of knowledge learned from other authors—assured me that I'd already made my point through the actions of the story without needing to also bluntly state it. If a point is 'A+B=C,' then an author should state 'A+B' and allow the reader to discover on their own that 'C' is equaled.

This was difficult advice for me to follow, but I knew she was right (Shannon usually is). Some readers won't figure out 'C' if I don't tell them, I pointed out. But most readers are pretty smart (that's why they're reading). 

I think it's important to emphasize for younger readers that extremely wealthy people are not admirable as I want future generations to avoid this social pitfall. When three people own more wealth than the bottom half of our entire country combined, as is currently the case, it is not because those three people are better than half the country. Billionaires don't happen through sheer willpower and determination (that's capitalism's huckster sales pitch). American CEOs don't work 361 times harder than their employees and the myth that they do is harming all of us as it allows them to buy our politicians and rig the country in their favor until desperate peasants revolt and the whole thing falls apart.

I believe all of that and perhaps in another post I'll go on about how there's a middle ground between a failed socialist state and the ruthless and cold country we currently live in, but this post isn't the place for it. And a fun middle grade adventure book with a focus on evading alligator people whilst quipping and riding jet packs is also not the place for it.

So I went back through my book and cut any characters giving long lectures about things that weren't their motivations leading to fun action and adventure. The Banneker Bones books have many goals—among them is making fun of Ayn Rand and her silly ideas as much as possible—but the number one goal has always been a fun story well told. Economics lectures aren't fun.

So, if some Esteemed Readers don't pick up on my hidden manifesto within the text, but instead JUST have a good time laughing at Banneker's newest antics and worrying that they might get him eaten, that is a successful reading experience. Should they, after being fully entertained, have a thought that "extremely wealthy people can really be jerks and it's not fair," well, that's a bonus. I've provided 'A+B.' The 'C' is up to the reader, and that's as it should be.

NINJA STUFF: Indy Author Fair 2017 Genre Writing Panel

Do you like a great podcast, Esteemed Reader? Me too. Especially the Kurt Vonneguys.

I've been wanting to start my own podcast, but there are only so many hours in a day. Still, it's something I may revisit when Little Ninja is older and no longer chattering and yelling in the background of every phone conversation I have:) Wouldn't it be nice to hear me chat with writers and publishing professionals through the magic of the interwebs? I think it would. One day, Esteemed Reader, one day...

Until then, you can fulfill your biggest bucket list item of hearing my melodic voice as I chat with authors during the Genre Writing Panel from Saturday, October 14, 2017 at Central Library in Indianapolis. The video didn't quite work out, but I think the audio is lovely and deserves to be shared with the world.

So if you've got to do the dishes or some other chore, why not listen to this video and hear me chat with fellow genre writers Maurice Broaddus, Sandy James, and Tony Perona, in an event sponsored by the Indiana Writers Center. It's a great discussion and if you hear me being quiet for long stretches, its because I too wanted to hear what advice such talented authors had to share.

My sincere thanks to everyone who helped to put this event together as it was a lot of fun and I learned a lot. The Indiana Writers Center will be putting on more events and I hope to see you at the next one.

Maurice Broaddus is the author of the Knights of Breton Court trilogy, and has published dozens of short stories, essays, novellas and articles. He founded the Phoenix Arts Initiative, which encourages use of the arts for at-risk youth to express themselves. He teaches at the Indiana Writers Center

Sandy James has published numerous romance novels with Forever Yours and Carina Press, and is the recipient of two HOLT Medallions for excellence in that genre. Her indie-published romance novels have been Amazon #1 Bestsellers. She lives in suburban Indianapolis.

Tony Perona is the author of the Nick Bertetto mystery series (SECOND ADVENT, ANGELS WHISPER, and SAINTLY REMAINS), the standalone thriller THE FINAL MAYAN PROPHECY, and co-editor and contributor to the anthologies RACING CAN BE MURDER and HOOSIER HOOPS & HIJINKS. Tony is a member of Mystery Writers of America and has served the organization as a member of the Board of Directors and as Treasurer. He is also a member of Sisters-in-Crime.

Robert Kent is the author of numerous horror novels and stories for young people, including ALL TOGETHER NOW: A ZOMBIE STORY and BANNEKER BONES AND THE GIANT ROBOT BEES. His newest is the serial horror novel, THE BOOK OF DAVID. You're at his website right now. If you really want to know more about him, why not check out his bio page:)

NINJA STUFF: Cannibalism: A Post About Editing (Part Two)

THIS WEEK IN NINJA-ING: Tuesday's Book of the Week is Greenhorn, Wednesday we're discussing Chapter 5 of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and Thursday author/literary agent Anna Olswanger will face the 7 Questions. Saturday, as ever, we'll be joined by a surprise literary agent. 

Greetings from the world of twenty minutes after last week's post, Esteemed Reader. I took a walk, chatted a bit with Mike Mullin and Jody Sparks, and made myself a fresh drink. It's Writing Day and I'm with the YA Cannibals.

Last week, or whenever you read the first part of this post, which is where I'd recommend you start, we discussed the importance in my life of my writer's group, who are my extended family. They're my trusted companions on my writer's journey and I wouldn't feel right submitting a manuscript to anyone without them. They're my first readers and my toughest critics.

My Grandmother-in-law (is that a thing?) used to say she beat her kids so the police didn't have to (I'm told she said it in a very loving fashion). The Cannibals eat my darlings so Esteemed Reader won't set my book aside unread. I've turned my zombie book over to my agent and it's off to do it's thing, but I never would've sent it anywhere without the approval of the YA Cannibals.

Actually, I might not have written it.

For five months, I wrote my zombie book one chunk at at time. When I got to a cliffhanger, I sent my manuscript to the group so they read it like a serial. Getting their feedback one section at a time allowed me to address plot concerns as the story was still wet cement before the draft was fully formed and hardened. Nothing drives me crazier than a great suggestion from one of the YA Cannibals for a major change that would've been great if I hadn't already written a whole novel that would be undone by the change.

Also, writing for the group kept me on task. Making sure I left them with a cliffhanger each section helped ensure the book had plenty of cliffhangers and forced me to keep the story moving forward. The group ripped my drafts to shreds, of course, but they were appalled and disgusted by my little book, which encouraged me to make the next section more disgusting and appalling.

I made their changes as I went and then I had them read the full book once it was finished. Knowing as I went which zombie bits were most disturbing the group and giving them the creeps allowed me to double down on some elements to make a scarier book. With the help of the YA Cannibals, I can confidently say I've written my best book yet because they've told me it is, and they would know as they're not the least bit shy about telling me when my writing sucks:)

Speaking of which, I thought I might share with you some of their specific notes for me. Maybe learning from my mistakes will help you avoid them in your own writing. So here, for the first time anywhere, I present a passage from my new book and an official revision from Mike Mullin, author of Ashfall and Ashen Winter:

My version:

"Understand?"

I don't think either Ben or I understood completely, but we nodded as though we did.

Mike's version:

"Understand?"

We nodded as though we did.

I hope I haven't given away the whole story:)

There was technically nothing wrong with my version of the exchange, but Mike's version is punchier and shorter. It is, in a word, better. I might've read over that same passage 40-50 times and never noticed the need to shorten it, but Mike spotted it his second time through. I've been reading Mike's revisions long enough to know if he suggests a change and it doesn't interfere drastically with the meaning of what I've written, I make his change.

Jody Sparks has been my zombie book's greatest champion as we grew up in similar circumstances and some of the themes in my story seemed to resonate strongly with her. For instance, both our fathers were eaten by reanimated corpses:( Jody's praise and the praise of her teenage daughters (who I'm certain I've warped for life) kept me writing despite the inevitable doubts that set in around the middle of the second act (that train is never late).

Jody made notes anytime a character should be showing more emotion, or anytime the emotion didn't make sense in the context of the scene. In one embarrassing scene, I had a small child who'd had much of the flesh of his arm bitten off (it's a lovely story) sitting calmly, not crying, and even having a rational discussion with an adult. Jody called bull-crap on that and thank goodness. I almost sent my manuscript off with its fly down. If my character's motivation is "because I say so," Jody catches it and helps me to give the characters actual motivation.

Lisa Fipps is the poet of our group and her strength is language. She pays far more attention to it than I do. I turn a phrase as well as I can, but too often for me language is a vehicle through which I can deliver story, not necessarily the craft itself. Whereas Lisa will usually look at language first and worry about story second, which is why she noticed my walking corpses were "shambling" everywhere. In an early draft, I had somebody shambling on every other page. Lisa marked all of them so that when I was unburdened with telling the story, I could focus on coming up with a more interesting variety of verbs.

Here's an actual suggested change by Lisa Fipps:

My version:

I kept running.

Lisa's version:

I kept running, vomit spewing from my mouth.

That is poetry:)

Shannon Alexander was an absolutely invaluable reader  because she doesn't like horror stories and has almost no familiarity with zombies. I didn't know it was possible to reach adulthood in America without knowing that if a zombie bites you, when you die, you come back as a zombie. But Shannon didn't know and her notes reminded me to go back and add in some obligatory exposition for other newbies.

Shannon is also great about letting me know when I've broken the suspension of disbelief, usually by having characters behave like puppets rather than doing the rational thing. A character standing still during a zombie attack makes it easier for me to kill them off, but isn't believable. This was my favorite of Shannon's notes: Here’s my mommy card. I’m not allowed in the clubhouse anymore (after suggesting I downplay the death of a child character).

There were some major revision suggestions the YA Cannibals hit me with early in the process it might've taken me 15 drafts to catch on my own. Whenever the group is unanimous in a suggestion, I nearly always make the change... Except when I don't.

As much as I respect and trust the opinions of my friends, ultimately I'm the author of the story and sometimes their greatest gift to me is strengthening my resolve. Mike was adamant I should change the structure of my plot and he had several good arguments for why I should. Having the discussion made me consider the reasons why I'd done it my way and inspired me to improve it.

Ultimately, I liked my version better and that's the one I went with. It is, after all, my book, and it's my name that will be associated to it. There were several changes I wanted made in Ashen Winter (mostly involving hurting Darla) that weren't made. But Ashfall fans don't want the Ninja's version of the ashen apocalypse (fools!), they want Mike Mullin's. That's who they paid to read and that's who they should get.

I could go on with the suggested changes from my group as there were no small number of them. But I'm eventually going to want to sell you this zombie book, not give it to you in dribbles on my free blog:) The main thing I want you Esteemed Readers who are also writers to take away from this post is the value of a critique group. Find yourself some writers you respect and swap critiques. Your writing will improve much faster than if you keep it to yourself and you might just make some great friends.

Or you can keep plugging away on your own. If you're a fabulously published and successful author already, good for you. But if you're not, you might just try something new. Writing, like sex, can be successfully accomplished on your own, but it's better with other people:)

NINJA STUFF: Cannibalism: A Post About Editing (Part One)

THIS WEEK IN NINJA-ING: Tuesday's Book of the Week is Finn Finnegan, Wednesday we're discussing Chapter 4 of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and Thursday author Darby Karchut will face the 7 Questions. Saturday, as ever, we'll be joined by a surprise literary agent. 

Greetings, Esteemed Reader, from the home of YA writer Jody Sparks. I'm writing this from the soft, over-sized chair in front of her fireplace which is currently occupied by a basket filled with pine cones. Mike Mullin is at the table beside me writing the newest chapter in Ashfall 3: The Revenge, and Jody herself is at her desk behind me editing a manuscript. Shannon Alexander and Lisa Fipps couldn't be here today, but Mrs. Ninja has joined us and is sitting on the couch across from me looking very pretty, yet terribly serious as she writes.

It's Writing Day once again, that monthly day the YA Cannibals gather at someone's house and write. Jody and her family prepared some delicious crepes and we had breakfast with a discussion on writing and life, and now we've scattered to do a day's worth of writing free from distraction. I've got Spotify going in my headphones, but when I take them out I can hear people breathing and that's all. The YA Cannibals know how to party:)

We show our friendship by our silence. Today is a day to write away from the distractions of the real world. If I were to stop writing and try to engage anyone in the room in conversation, the person I spoke to would speak back--we're not jerks:)

But I know Mike is in a deep trance at this moment imagining a new scene for Alex and Darla, either of whom may presently be in the process of being raped or eaten:) Mike's many fans would surely not want me to break his meditative concentration, to yank him out of Iowa, out of the ash, out of the adventure just to hear me ask if he'd mind me spiking my coffee with more of his booze (I told you we knew how to party).

We'll write until we reach our goals, which are writ large on a white board for all to see. Everyone in this room knows I'm planning to finish this post before we take our first break, and they'll know I plan to write my review of the 4th Chapter of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for the Ninja Book Club. Mike's already reached his goal of 500 words and he's writing more--show off:) Around 5:00 or so we'll play a card game, then call it a day.

Don't be fooled, Esteemed Reader. We don't call ourselves the YA Cannibals (I tried to make it MG Biters, but the YA writers outnumber me) because we sit around being nice to each other. Today is Writing Day and that is lovely, but we meet twice each month, and the other day, the dark day, is Critique Day. Critique Day has sometimes ended in tears.

The motto of the YA Cannibals is "We eat our own."

Every person in this house has eaten a portion of my heart at one Critique Day or another and they're some of the only people I trust to do it. These are the ruthless mercenaries who looked me in the eye, each and everyone of them, and told me my 850-page horror novel about alien abduction (I'll tell you more some other post, but it was fiction, I promise) should be shelved (like pulling the plug on a loved one). Because they broke my heart then, I trusted them more recently when they praised my book about zombies.

Incidentally, one nice thing about writing a zombie book is I can tell you what I'm writing about without spoiling anything:) In my book, the dead come to life to eat the living and if they bite you, when you die, you become a zombie. Oh no! I've given away the whole plot:)

Having a critique group I think of as family is one of the greatest weapons in my writing arsenal. I can get more done, faster, because I have the Cannibals. I feel like Batman (each and every day) when an army of super-powered aliens heads to Gotham. It's good to have super-friends one can call in such a situation:

"Hey, Hall of Justice, it's me. Is Clark there? Gotham's being invaded. Worse, I'm pretty sure the aliens know I have no super powers and my weakness is getting shot in the face. Lurking in the shadows until you get here."

Goodness, that second cup of coffee is tasting fine:)

Because each of the Cannibals has their own super-power, each is incredibly valuable to me in a different way. Just as Aquaman can rally great schools of fish, Mike Mullin checks the facts in my manuscripts. I've rarely met someone who paid closer attention to details than Mike. Jody is all about emotion, character, and motivation. Lisa's our poet, so she pays close attention to the language and vocabulary used. Shannon gives me a mother's perspective and helps me maintain suspension of disbelief.

It may or may not take a village to raise a child, but finishing a publishable novel  absolutely requires a writer's group. There's a reason the backs of good books are usually chock full of acknowledgements. To some degree, I've done my part to help shape the novels of the YA Cannibals. Lord knows they've done a lot of work on mine.

Because I can't really spoil a book about zombies (and the murderer was... a zombie), I'll share some of the YA Cannibals' specific edits with you and explain why the group was right and I was, alas, wrong. But I see this post is already running long, so I think I'll throw up that Back to the Future logo I like to use and make this a two-part post:

We've got so much going on this week, the second part of this will have wait until next Monday. That means an entire week will have passed for you, Esteemed Reader, but it will only have been minutes for me and I'll be on my third cup of inspiring coffee:) I'm going to take a restroom break, and then I'll join you in the future!

A Pound of Flesh, No More, No Less: A Post About Editing

Note 4/8/19: A second post about editing with information not covered in this first post is now available.

Hey there, Esteemed Reader! Are you missing me? I am missing you. Not to worry, though. My sabbatical is only temporary. I shall return on July 5th with all new Book of the Week reviews as well as interviews with writers and literary agents. I've got some wonderful folks lined up and I can’t wait to share their interviews with you.

Until then, I’m afraid I need just a little more me time. I’m doing some heavy duty revisions on a novel I thought was revised (but then, I always think that, from the second draft on). I’m afraid I don’t have time to keep up with my posting until the final (please, God) draft is finished, but I wanted to drop in and say hello with a post about editing.

And I have been editing, Esteemed Reader. Oh, how I've been editing. I know that some of you may have worried I would lose my entire sabbatical to playing video games, and it’s true, I did lose some time. But I continue to support X-Box breaks for writers everywhere. There’s only so much writing and reading a person can do before he needs a time out. Hemmingway drank. I murder pixels. And I hope that stark contrast won’t tempt some of you to drink in hopes of being a better writer:)

It’s a tough job, Esteemed Reader, being a writer—but most of you already know that. There’s a reason so many lawyers drink, and there’s a reason so many of us writers lose our marbles and engage in all manner of unwholesome, destructive behavior. It’s a rough ride sometimes from inception to the feverishly jotted first draft to the barely corrected second draft to the okay-I’ll-make-some-of-the-changes-you've-suggested-even-though-my-book-was-perfect-already third draft to the-no-one-understands-the-brilliance-of-this-novel-but-me forth draft to the will-you-please-just-publish-this-already fifth draft to the I-hate-this-stupid-unpublished-book sixth draft to the this-wasn't-so-bad-after-all seventh draft to the oh-my-God-I-think-this-might-be-it eighth draft to the detached polish of a writer assured he’s done everything he can to prepare his baby for the world and then it's time to say goodbye.

But oh, Esteemed Reader, in some ways that’s the hardest part. We've been through so much, Beloved Manuscript. You've taught me so many things and in some ways I could go on editing you forever. There’s a comma out of place somewhere in your pages, I can feel it. Maybe we should do just one more polish for old time’s sake, what do you say? I’m not completely convinced about the description of the sky in chapter 8. No, I fixed that description already, but perhaps I should reconsider—oh who are we kidding, Beloved Manuscript? We both knew this day would come, I just didn't think it would be so soon. But you have readers to reach (God willing) and I have other projects to write. Ouch, you say, and ouch, Beloved Manuscript says, and that John Williams music soars and Beloved Manuscript gets into the spaceship and the pod bay doors close around his glowing, beating heart.

But before that heartwarming moment, there’s a lot of work to be done. There’s the basic stuff: grammar, punctuation, syntax, etc. I recommend taking a college course on editing if you haven’t done it already (spend the six-hundred bucks, you cheapskate, it’s an investment in your career). True, you can buy a copy of The Elements of Style, but hopefully you've already done that. Some things are best taught by instruction and supervision. Ever work a job where there wasn't someone there to train you your first few days? You want to be a professional writer? Get some professional training and experience.

I realize this advice might seem a little odd coming from me, given the alarming number of errors that have shown up in my posts over the run of this blog (please don’t let there be any in this post about editing). But we’re talking about your manuscript here, the book you want agents to represent and editors to publish and readers to buy, not the free blog you run to get to meet writers (if I ever make any money from this blog, perhaps I’ll invest in an editor). An unprofessional manuscript signals an unprofessional writer and kills your credibility. Would you expect to get a job if you showed up to the interview with your shirt un-tucked, your fly down, your face unshaven, and your hair looking like you just got out of bed? No? Then zip up your manuscript’s fly and comb its hair.

It’s true, a great candidate can still get a job if they are at least presentable but their fly is unfortunately down. I can’t imagine the agent or editor saying “this manuscript is a majestic and breathtaking work I’m certain will sell a zillion copies, but there’s a period on page 47 when there should be a question mark, so I’ll have to put it in the incinerator.” But if there are too many errors in the first 46 pages, agents and editors are far less likely to get to page 47. In the same vein, I can’t imagine one of those folks saying “this manuscript is dry and monotonous and I turned the television on while I was reading it to at least enjoy a good story, but it is one-hundred percent error free, so fire up the presses.”

One last bit of advice on the basics and then we’ll move on to the tough stuff. I have at long last learned that I cannot be trusted to edit my own work. Oh, I catch the most glaring errors, but there are always a few that slip by me. I think I've made this particular point here before, but love is blind. I’m not ashamed that I love my writing. If I didn't love it, I wouldn't do it. I’m no literary master and I concede that the greatness of a Richard Adams is likely beyond my grasp, but I love my little stories, warts and all. Most writers do. That love is essential to the craft of creation and if I don’t get caught up in my stories, I can’t rightly expect readers to.

But that same love becomes an issue in the editing stage. I may be thrilled to no end by own brilliance, but that doesn't mean Esteemed Reader is. The only way to know for sure is to ask Esteemed Reader. Get some critique partners. Get some objective readers. Get a couple good editors (another benefit to seeking out professional editing training is now you know where to find some) and get their help before you seek out an overworked editor at a publishing house.

Error correction is something you will do through every revision of Beloved Manuscript, but it’s not the most difficult part of the process. The next step is rewriting descriptions and dialogue; flushing out scenes with too little description and scaling back scenes with too much. Read your writing aloud or better yet, let someone read it to you. This too, you will be doing until the final draft and you will write “the dragon had fierce eyes and fiery breath,” then later, “the fierce-eyed dragon breathed fire,” then later, “fire curled about the dragon’s nostrils and its fierce yellow eyes gleamed,” and later still, “fire curled about the dragon’s nostrils. Its yellow eyes narrowed on the protagonist.” Finally, you’ll realize the dragon is out of place in your World War II memoir and cut the scene altogether:)

There is reworking and restructuring to be done. There are sometimes new chapters to be added. More often, there are chapters to be cut. And then there are the darlings to be killed. And I’m not talking about the stuff you cut in the third draft—the dream sequence to nowhere and the scene where two animals observe your characters only to never be revisited again. I’m not talking about the stuff you cut in draft four that you miss, but understand had to go. No. I’m talking about your heart. I’m talking about cutting out slivers of your heart and banishing them to the shelf of previous drafts never to be read for the good of the book as a whole; an amputation to save the body.

And it seems like that stuff always clings to your manuscript to the last draft. Because we play bargaining games don’t we? All right, we say, I’ll cut this scene so I can keep this one, when we know they both have to go. One darling, we plea. I’ll kill all the others, just let me keep the one. Oh Esteemed Reader, how I wish it could be so. But highlight that darling, close your eyes, and hit the delete button. It still exists in the previous draft and you can go back and read it anytime you want. If any editor or agent ever asks you to put it back in, go right ahead, but we both know they won’t. It takes courage to kill that last darling, but kill it you must. And in time, perhaps years, I promise, you’ll read your manuscript and you won’t miss the darling.

Ninja, I hear you saying, how can I hope to one day be as ruthless as you and murder every darling like Anakin Skywalker wiping out the padawans? Actually, given that I routinely post five and six page reviews of books intended for children, perhaps I’m not the person to ask. But I’ll tell you what I do anyway and maybe it will help.

I only just recently cut a scene where my protagonist wishes at a fountain. It was a beautifully described fountain and a way—however cliché—to show my protagonist’s nervousness at embarking on an adventure. The fountain even comes into play later in the story in a small way, but I raised my light saber high and showed both scenes the true power of the dark side (on a related note, I also recently watched Star Wars). Why did I do it? Did I not mention this fountain was beautifully described and that this scene came at a pivotal moment? Did I not mention that this scene was one of my most favorite scenes in the book and has survived every draft up to this moment? Did I not mention that this scene was a piece of my heart that is now incomplete?

I killed the scene because it had to die. I told it about how one day we would get our own place with rabbits and I put it down while its head was turned so an editor won’t have to do it. An editor ought not to kill my darling. It’s my darling, so I’ll do it. I killed it because when I consulted my outline and highlighted the weak points, it clearly showed me the truth of the scene’s weakness.

And that’s my advice to you, Esteemed Reader: Keep an outline. I don’t recommend outlining your story before you write it as outlining is not writing and the one book I wrote a full outline for ahead of time never got written. I’d already written a bang up outline and I knew for sure how the book ended, so there was no interest for me to write the story out in long form. I typically update my outline after I write a chapter and keep notes about where I’m planning to go and change them as necessary. My outline typically looks like this:

Chapter One: Destiny Shines a Light in the Sky

Bruce Wayne is chatting up Vickie Vale at a fundraiser at Wayne Manner. Just as Vickie convinces him to join her for a romantic evening, Bruce sees the bat signal shining in the sky. Bruce excuses himself from the party and sneaks into the batcave, where he becomes Batman. Alfred Pennyworth is furious and yells at Batman for abandoning their guests. Batman promises to make it up to him, and then drives away in his batmobile.

Chapter Two: Death Flips a Coin

Commissioner Gordan is waiting on the roof of the Gotham police station when Batman arrives. Gordan tells Batman that Two-Face has broken out of Arkham Asylum, again, and…

I won’t go on with that, but you get the idea. Each chapter may be 5 or 10 pages long, but I only need a few sentences on my outline describing the action. Having an outline like this and keeping it updated as you write is a great benefit when you write the first draft, because it provides you a road map of where you've been to get to the point in the story you’re writing now. My most recent manuscript is 315 pages long and the one before that was 867 pages. I can’t read it from the beginning every time I want to know something and even going back through it to find bits of story takes too long. But keeping a fairly detailed outline of fifteen or twenty pages allows me to view the book on the macro level.

So much of writing is done on the micro level as is editing. For this reason, I continue to update my outline as I make my revisions. And yes, I resent taking the time to do it when no one will ever read the outline but me. Yet it’s an essential tool. Because now when I look at the outline above I know that I need to cut chapter one. I could spend forever rewriting it on the micro level, but looking at the outline, it’s clear to me the story really starts in Chapter Two with Batman discovering the newest mystery. However much I may like Batman and Alfred fighting in chapter one, knowing that chapter three to chapter ten are about Batman fighting Two-Face, it’s clear I need to get to the real story sooner.

I've said it before and I’ll say it again: read Story by Robert McKee. Memorize it. And never mind that Marcus Sakey accused me of belonging to the cult of McKee. I have two copies and an audio version and I reread that book at least once a year. One of McKee’s main premises is that every scene in a story needs to change the value of the story from negative to positive, or vice versa. Therefore, when I have my outline in front of me I can evaluate the story scene by scene to see whether or not they impact the plot as a whole. If the scene doesn't do this, there’s a good chance it’s a darling that needs to be killed. Or there's information in the scene that would perhaps be better off in a better scene. Or it's time to summarize to quickly get to the next scene. You get the idea.

So when I looked at my current manuscript’s outline and I saw I had a scene where the protagonist discovers the possibility of adventure and sets off, a scene where the protagonists ponders the adventure at a fountain, and a scene where the adventure actually starts, I knew I had to cut the scene where the character does some serious sitting and thinking because it does not change the story value. On the micro level I was a fan, but on the macro level it added nothing no matter how beautifully described the fountain. Goodbye, my darling.

 Check out "Another Pound of Flesh: A Second Post about Editing"

UPDATE: This is presently the most popular post in the history of this blog, so I hate to admit this, but the book I'm referring to above is Banneker Bones and the Giant Robot Bees and a version of the fountain scene totally found its way back in during a subsequent revision. Do as I say, not as I do:) If you'd like more specifics on how I edit, you might dig this post about revision that includes a rough draft of a chapter and the revised version with commentary.